Christmas Letters

Hey guys, so many things to discuss, so many controversial topics to hash out, but I’ve decided to write a Christmas letter to you instead. I’ll be more opinionated next time. It’ll be my New Year’s resolution to be more opinionated.

Until then-

Dear family and friends,

I hope this letter finds you hale, hearty, and happy.

This year finds me doing exactly the same as I was last year this time. Employed, loving life and all that. I have the same car, the same living space, the same dog, Sonya. I have the same job as last year too.

I blog now. You knew that, you’re reading this.

Hope you all have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

The End

This is exactly why I don’t send Christmas letters (although I have occasionally written my parent’s for them). I just can’t find it in me to creatively pat myself on the back without being obvious. After all, if we are honest, isn’t that what Christmas letters are? There are some genuine exceptions, but mostly, Christmas letters are bragging boards. Sometimes the boasting is even rightfully earned.

I would prefer to tell you about my adventures, but since I didn’t have any spectacular enough, I made some up:

Dear Family and Friends,

I hope this letter finds you hale, hearty, and happy.

I’m writing to you from the top of Mount Everest where Sonya (the dog) and I are setting up a health clinic for underprivileged children. If they survive the trek up, we’ll treat their frostbite and altitude sickness for free. Sonya is hiding in the corner making the floor look impossibly comfortable. I hope the kids like it (the floor, I mean. I’m not hauling beds up here).

Early this fall we set up a soup kitchens for starving children in Asia. The soup we serve is garbage. Literally.   We recycle the massive amounts of waste food from the plates of the children who don’t finish their dinner here in the States. The leftovers are gathered, sanitized, and loaded onto slow boats headed to China.

I bet you thought your mother was joking when she said she was going to put you on a slow boat to China.

In the summer, we were in Africa working with a team to develop an emergency vaccine for Ebola. A day late and a dollar short per the usual scientist’s routine. I suppose there is nothing like an epidemic to light a fire under the seat of the people who do such things. I’m not sure if we were successful. Ebola is still a thing, so probably not. I guess we shouldn’t have wasted all that time in Antarctica, but Sonya isn’t fond of Africa, the cats are too big.

Speaking of Antarctica, at the beginning of the year and into spring, Sonya and I were there solving climate change. We measured ice. It’s growing. Weird, right? We burned a lot of fossil fuels to keep ourselves warm and our equipment running and Sonya found that she likes to chase the threatened species of penguins. I had to tell her that she should not make them feel more threatened than they already are, but she looked at me with her big brown puppy eyes and I let her do it anyway.

Well, that brings us full circle, hope you all have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, even though it probably won’t be nearly as cool as mine.

The End

That one was better.

For real, silliness and tall tales aside, don’t forget what Christmas is really about as you write your own letters:

Luke 2:10-14 KJV

And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.


Merry Christmas!



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